It takes two to tango
Whenever there is a problem between two people it always seems that some one has to be right and the other has to be wrong. We are always right and the other person is wrong. They have the wrong idea. They misunderstood. It is their problem and so on. But where is the practice in this even if they are wrong?
While on retreat in Mayanmar, I sat in a large wooden hall with great plaques hung on the walls. There were about 12 of them and each had a saying from the Buddha. These were hand picked by the Pa Auk Sayadaw as twelve important reminders of the practice. Out of all of them, the one that stood out the most was “Hatred is never appeased by hatred. In this world hatred is only appeased by non-hatred. This is an eternal law pleasing to Buddhas, Pacceka Buddhas and Arahants”
How can we practice in this way and still be right all the time? We can’t. If we were to really practice non-self and loving kindness then wouldn’t we try to eliminate hatred wherever we see it, even if it is directed towards us?
The Dalai Lama often encourages his followers not to condemn the person but condemn the defilement. I take this to mean - build compassion towards the person not toward their hatred. Then what does it matter who is right who was wrong the important thing is there is hared where there could be loving kindness.
I have also heard the Dalai Lama explain the cultivation bodhicitta as the action of getting closer to others while deepening your understanding of emptiness. It seems pretty clear what we have to do. Finding the courage is the hard part.
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