In our practice we need to set ourselves boundaries. Allow yourself freedom within bounds.

Its like our little dog here at the Pagoda. We can’t be too strict with him, the dog needs space to live or it becomes miserable and dies. But too free and there is no training and all sorts of trouble can befall him. We cannot let the dog cannot run down the street alone, but you can put him in the garden, which has a gate, and then he can do as he pleases and not get into trouble. Within the boundaries.

This is the way to keep our practice consistent. The middle way that allows constant effort and isn’t the stop and go extremes of work and play that we sometimes experience. And just as the weightlifter needs to continually increase the weight to keep gaining muscle, so we need to continue taking up more restraint over time to keep progressing. We need to find the right balance for ourselves and we travel down the path. Over time (and with a lot of patience) we will find our way to freedom in a mind that remains peaceful in all situations.    

Whenever there is a problem between two people it always seems that some one has to be right and the other has to be wrong. We are always right and the other person is wrong. They have the wrong idea. They misunderstood. It is their problem and so on. But where is the practice in this even if they are wrong?

While on retreat in Mayanmar, I sat in a large wooden hall with great plaques hung on the walls. There were about 12 of them and each had a saying from the Buddha. These were hand picked by the Pa Auk Sayadaw as twelve important reminders of the practice. Out of all of them, the one that stood out the most was “Hatred is never appeased by hatred. In this world hatred is only appeased by non-hatred. This is an eternal law pleasing to Buddhas, Pacceka Buddhas and Arahants”

How can we practice in this way and still be right all the time? We can’t. If we were to really practice non-self and loving kindness then wouldn’t we try to eliminate hatred wherever we see it, even if it is directed towards us?

The Dalai Lama often encourages his followers not to condemn the person but condemn the defilement. I take this to mean - build compassion towards the person not toward their hatred. Then what does it matter who is right who was wrong the important thing is there is hared where there could be loving kindness.

I have also heard the Dalai Lama explain the cultivation bodhicitta as the action of getting closer to others while deepening your understanding of emptiness. It seems pretty clear what we have to do. Finding the courage is the hard part.

To have a steady practice is very important. Actually, whatever we do whether it be our job, our family matters or our meditation practice we should find some amount of consistency. if we can manage, both our positive traits will improve and our negative traits -the causes of our suffering-  will become more apparent.

If in our job we can steadily improve and cultivate diligence we will slowly become wealthy. In the Mangala Sutta the Buddha says “untroubled occupations… this is the highest blessing”. It can cultivate diligence which is an attribute that can be applied and any facet of life. It can also cultivate a materially comfortable environment, good food, housing, clothes and a good education promoting a healthy body and mind. With money one has many opportunities to practice and cultivate the mind.

If we can find steadiness in cultivating good relationships with our friends and family our relationships can become deeper and more meaningful. Over time your friends and family observe and feel that you care about them. They will find safety in you. They will see that you are willing to spend time to develop the relationship. It is your resolution to create a more wholesome relation that they will feel and with time it will bear fruit.

In our daily practice we need to find a way to calm the mind and cool our craving. This is a difficult practice and is going against the kamma we have built for countless lives. It is going against a society that is always telling us to indulge in the whole spectrum of sensual desires from sex to knowledge. To calm the mind is a whole different direction. So to gain any ground we must find a consistent practice. This means we need to find a method that is suitable for us to use. There are 84000 different methods but to find one that is suitable for us in our lifestyle is important. Then bit by bit - seeing which methods are conducive to your calm mind – within the Buddha teachings – you can improve. You can sit for five more minutes or let down your guard and be honest with your loved ones, or become more diligent in your work place. The Buddha said give up evil and cultivate good and told his followers to use their judgment and what knowledge that they had to determine what was good and what was evil. Do no thing heedlessly.

“Confronting the self can be like walking into a raging storm” -Ajahn Chah

Often we are doing this Buddhist practice in search of peace, in search of ease for our lives. However when we really being going against our tendencies we find much unpleasantness arises. Anger, frustration, and stress are just some of the effects that arise when we try and break out of our old ways. Its like when you tell a child he cant go to the ice cream shop and he throws a temper tantrum. Although we are older then this child in reality, on the emotional level we are still very much still like infants.

The Buddha tells us a story of a calf who broke free from a farm and wandered into town. The calf saw many sights and tasted many tastes while away. Finally, the farmers caught up to the calf and brought him home. Upon arrival at the farm he refused to drink his mothers milk and would keep trying to run off when put to pasture. So the farmers tied the calf to a stake. The calf would pull and whine and refuse to eat and try all kinds of things to get loose from his bindings. Eventually as time wore on the calf wore down. He came to his senses and again would drink his mothers milk and be content to be a calf on a farm.

We, very much like the calf, will try our best to be freed from our practice. When I was still a layman living in America, I once told my Master that I wanted to go to a party because I liked the sense of adventure. He said to try staying home, that would be the real adventure. Why is that the real adventure? Because when we don’t satisfy ourselves for even a moment then something in us rebels. We feel tension and strain and feel all kinds of things. When we sit and have leg pain, sometimes we don’t move the leg and try to just experience the pain. Sometimes we even feel like we’re dying from this kind of discipline. But its not real.

To break through this stubborn part of ourselves we need to be all fired up to practice and really be resolute in our goals. Almost like before we go to the gym to exercise, It helps to be ready some discomfort but knowing that there are beneficial results. Then, like an amtrak train, we can speed along through all to our obstacles to the destination ahead.

by Hue Chuyen

To calm the mind, we need a safe environment. Many people think that this is in the mountains or in the jungles of south Asia. They think they need to travel far and wide, maybe even to the forests and mountains of China, to find a master to teach them the secrets of the universe. Until recently, I believe, I also suffered from this ideological constraint. To overcome this, there are a few things that I had to reflect upon. Two things I have heard, and one thing I have experienced.

The first – The Dalai Lama once said that he learned what true compassion was from his mother. Without it, he would be lost in the Buddhist practice.

The second is something the Buddha said, recounted in the Metta sutra. He said, “Just as a mother would protect her only child, even so, develop a boundless loving-kindness to the entire world above, below, across, unhindered, without anger and without hostility.”

The third, which I realized myself, is gratitude. Really understanding how my mother and father have taken care of me since birth, through childhood, until now.

Without these three lessons, I would be lost in the Buddha’s teaching. The Buddha shows us the path with the theory and the method. But, he cannot feel for us, he cannot experience for us, and therefore, unlike Jesus or God, he cannot save us from the perils of the world. We must, and can only, do it ourselves.

To find a calm mind, we must draw on our positive past experiences to create a safe environment for our mind to calm, to take down its guard. If you are having trouble finding a calm mind, I might suggest rummaging through your comfortable memories.

Video (its worth the download time. Please read and comment on the blog while the video loads)

Today Hue Gioi showed me a video where a man showed people 2 photographs and said “You can only have 1 of them.” To one group of people he said their decision is final and to the other group he said you can switch photographs 4 days later if you are unsatisfied with your choice. He also then asked them to fill out surveys measuring how happy they were with their choices. It turned out that people who could not switch their photograph (the people who were stuck with their choice) were happier with their decision. They could accept it because they had no choice. However the second group who had the possibility to switch photographs became very unhappy with their choices and wanted to change. But even after that change remained unhappy. When we still feel like we have a choice, a way to get out of it, then we don’t need to accept how things are.

Thay once said that the difference between the way Westerners treat the rules and the way Asians treat the rules are different. He said Westerners are more in the consumer culture mind and we want to throw things out immediately if they don’t seem useful for us. This is why the divorce rate is so high. But in Asian, because the people didn’t have much, they had to make due with what they have and try to change their minds to accommodate the situation. So for Asians, they accept the rules and try to understand the rules in their own way so it makes sense. They accept things are the way they are and try to find their peace with this.

This can actually come down to a statement about contentment. Does contentment come from getting what we want or from letting go of wanting and accepting how things are? Does our meditation improve the more we try to get certain states and attainments or does it become frustrating and feel hopeless? How many of us have tried to just sit and enjoy the feeling of the breath without trying to make more of it?

Thich Nhat Hanh says, “With every step a lotus blooms”. With each action we take with presence and awareness, not wanting something else from the moment but accepting it as is, we can arrive at our practice and at the heart of peace.

By Hue Chuyen

Human beings, as far as I know, are habitual creatures. We thrive on habit. The famous philosopher F.M. Alexander once said, “The reason that we develop habit, is so we don’t have to think. Instead, we can put our intelligence elsewhere. But, whether we actually put our intelligence somewhere else is another story.”

This quote has two good points to it. The first being that we as human beings develop habit as a means to save time; we do things in the same way again and again until they become second nature. This way we really learn how to do things naturally and without much effort. This allows information or knowledge to become ingrained in us and become long term memory. That means that this knowledge has become hardwired into our brain and we can use this pattern to save time in the future. It is like having a formula already set to solve a math problem. But, the second part is not so nice. The fact is that sometimes we don’t even know that we are forming a habit. Actually, many of our habits we do not choose consciously so there is no way to check them. They go un-checked and they could create problems for us in the future. This is like having a formula for solving a math equation that always gives us the wrong answer.

So how do we make sure that we choose good habits? How do we sustain these good habits? How do we spot the bad habits and do away with them? Video How our habits can hinder our happiness.

Everyday at our Pagoda we have meditation and prostrations. We need to wear these big formal robes, which are often uncomfortable and remind me of going to temple as a child, wearing a suit and tie. I really resist these ceremonies and I have begun to sneak out with the guise of practicing walking meditation in the woods. I do actually do the walking meditation and its quite relaxing, but the intention is still to escape the ceremony.

During my walking meditation today I didn’t feel my feet touching the earth in mindfulness. I felt like I was treading in a pool of guilt. I resisted this feeling and kept walking, trying to think my way out of it. With each step the situation became more unpleasant and apparent. I managed to resist the feelings and stick to my decision, carrying out a walking and sitting meditation before returning to Pagoda carrying the fear of someone reprimanding me.

Why do I do this? Because I’m a stubborn fool!. Because I still think there is a way to get what I want all the time. I am still chasing the dream that life is pleasurable and I only need to be able to “do what I want” to realize happiness. This is my illusion and I think I’ve been carrying it around for a long time. Not accepting unpleasant feelings and always trying to find a way out. Never acquiring discipline or patience. This has been my life and it has caused me discontent and a recurrent non-achievement in my unrealizable goals.

I think this is what the Buddha would call ignorance. Ignoring the truth of how things are and desperately trying to hold up a picture of how we want things to be. It’s why Ajahn Chah was once said, “If you give the Westerners what they want from Buddhism then it will become watered down. It will die. If you want the Buddha’s teachings to survive you have to pierce their hearts.” Why pierce their hearts? Because the truth hurts. Its not the way we want it to be, it’s the way it is. And this is difficult for us to accept and I think it’s not at all what we were looking for when we began down this path. “I want to feel gooood! Let me go join those peaceful Buddhists over there, they look like they know how to enjoy life! ”

When I was 6 or 7 years old and my sister leaped out from nowhere intercepted a football intended for me. - I was playing with the ‘older guys’ - . I was completely ashamed to be shown up by a girl. I then became so angry, that I walked up to my sister, looked her in her smiling and proud face, and punched her in the stomach. I really hurt her. I have never ever hit someone in anger since.

I felt guilty. Really guilty after my mother yelled at me and told me never to do that again. Then I saw how much pain she was in. I learned not to hit others because of the guilt.

Do we learn the same when others do something to us? Can we learn to do wholesome actions when some one has hurt us? Or do we need a role model? Do we need to see theory in action to learn new wholesome traits?

This point is discussed in His Holiness the Dalai Lama and Daniel Goleman’s book Destructive Emotions. They speak about a new program for teaching children about emotions called PATHS. If any one has not read this book yet, it is worth the read.